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The Haunted Vagina

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The Haunted Vagina - N.A Summary

"It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead..." Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees. When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs. "A very strange and surprisingly touching love story, despite the deliberately asinine premise. With subtle humor, surreal erotica, and some genuinely creepy moments, The Haunted Vagina is a completely unique reading experience."

The Haunted Vagina

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The Haunted Vagina - Carlton Mellick Summary

It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.

The Haunted Vagina / Ugly Heaven

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The Haunted Vagina / Ugly Heaven - Carlton Mellick III Summary

The Haunted Vagina Steve ist unsterblich in seine exzentrische Freundin Stacy verliebt. Leider leidet ihr Sexleben in letzter Zeit etwas, da Steve die seltsamen Geräusche in Stacys Schamgegend beunruhigen. Sie meint, ihre Vagine ist verflucht, aber es ist keine große Sache. Für ihn jedoch ist es das sehr wohl. Als ein Skelett an einem unbehaglichen Sexabend aus ihr herausklettert, wird Stacy klar, dass ihre Vagina das Tor zu einer anderen Welt ist. Sie überredet Steve dazu, in sie hineinzukriechen und den seltsamen Ort zu erforschen. Doch Steves Rückkehr gestaltet sich als schwierig ... besonders, nachdem er auf die seltsam attraktive Frau namens Fig trifft, die in der einsamen und verfluchten Welt zwischen Stacys Beinen lebt. "Eine sehr seltsame und überraschend berührende Liebesgeschichte, trotz der bewusst törichten Prämisse. Mit subtilem Humor, surrealer Erotik und einigen wirklich gruseligen Momenten, ist The Haunted Vagina ein völlig einzigartiges Leseerlebnis." _______ Ugly Heaven Der Himmel, der einst eine selige Utopie voller Wunder, jenseits des menschlichen Verständnis war, ist kein Paradies mehr, selbst wenn er das vor langer, langer Zeit mal war. Das Jenseits liegt in Trümmern, verwandelt in eine hässliche und einsame Wüste, bewohnt von seltsamen Bestien, masturbierenden Engeln und traurigen menschenähnlichen Wesen. Als zwei Männer im Himmel erwachen, tun sie das in neuen Körpern mit einer fremdartigen Haut. Sie können sich nicht mehr an ihr früheres Leben erinnern. Alles was sie wissen ist, dass das Jenseits ein schrecklicher und hässlicher Ort ist. Für die beiden Neulinge in dieser surrealen Welt beginnt eine verzweifelte Suche nach Antworten, Verbündeten und Zuflucht. Was die beiden jedoch feststellen ist, dass das Jenseits zu nichts anderem als der Hölle geworden ist.

The Morbidly Obese Ninja

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The Morbidly Obese Ninja - Carlton Mellick Iii Summary

Neo Tokyo, California is a city built so high that none of its residents have ever seen the ground. It is a place where citizens cosmetically alter their bodies to look like Japanese anime characters. It is a place where ninja battles determine the fate of corporate business ventures. It is the home of Basu-- a 700 pound killing machine who uses his grotesque excess weight as a deadly weapon.

Satan Burger (15th Anniversary Edition)

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Satan Burger (15th Anniversary Edition) - Carlton Mellick III Summary

When Satan Burger was first being passed around among teenage punks and fans of weird art and film, there was nothing else like it. A book of rebellious spirit that simplistically captured the postmodern malaise of a culture obsessed with consumerism. It quickly gained an underground following, was transcribed by fans and bootlegged online, was translated into Russian and made its way around the world attracting the attention of readers bored with typical mainstream fare. Combining a satirical wit and style on par with legendary humorists such as Kurt Vonnegut and Russell Edson with the crazy punk ethos of cult film directors such as Terry Gilliam, David Lynch, and Takashi Miike, this was a book overflowing with so many new ideas and absurd philosophies that it not only launched the career of underground author Carlton Mellick III, but inspired an entire literary movement. For the fifteenth anniversary of the release of this Bizarro Fiction classic, Eraserhead Press is thrilled to present this special hardcover edition, featuring an introduction by splatterpunk legend John Skipp, illustrations by Ryan Ward, and a new preface by the author. Satan Burger explores a new kind of apocalypse. Not an apocalypse caused by disease or nuclear war, but an apocalypse of boredom. A plague of monotony has spread across the countryside, sucking all passion and inspiration out of everyone over the age of twenty-five, leaving only the disenfranchised youth to fend for themselves in a world crumbling around them. Featuring a narrator who sees his body from a third-person perspective, a man whose flesh is dead but his body parts are alive and running amok, an overweight messiah, the personal life of the Grim Reaper, a race of women who feed on male orgasms, and a motley group of squatter punks that team up with the devil to find their place in a world that doesn't want them anymore.

Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes

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Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes - Carlton Mellick III Summary

Known for his cute, disturbing, and utterly absurd novels, cult author Carlton Mellick III returns with a tale of childhood love and spontaneous face explosions. Ethan is in love with the weird girl in school. The one with the twitchy eyes and spiders in her hair. The one who can't sit still for even a minute and speaks in an odd squeaky voice. The one they call "Spiderweb." Although she scares all the other kids in school, Ethan thinks Spiderweb is the cutest, sweetest, most perfect girl in the world. But there's a problem. Whenever they go on a date at the Dairy Queen, her whole fucking face explodes. He's not sure why it happens. She just gets so excited that pressure builds under her skin. Then her face bursts, spraying meat and gore across the room, her eyeballs and lips landing in his strawberry sundae. At first, Ethan believes he can deal with his girlfriend's face-exploding condition. But the more he gets to know her, the weirder her condition turns out to be. And as their relationship gets serious, Ethan realizes that the only way to make it work is to become just as strange as she is. From the award-winning author of "Sweet Story" and "The Haunted Vagina," comes a twisted love story that is as creepy as it is heart-warming.

Razor Wire Pubic Hair

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Razor Wire Pubic Hair - Carlton Mellick, III Summary

A surreal sexual nightmare by cult bizarro author Carlton Mellick III. In a dark future where males have become extinct, humans are forced to breed with factory-manufactured living fuck-toys that possess an abundance of both male and female sex organs. One such creature is adopted by a warrior dominatrix named Celsia, who is trying to have a baby. But once she takes her new merchandise home, things don't quite go as planned. Wild tribes of rapists, women with multiple vaginas covering their bodies, sex tournaments, erotic mutilation, and a giant vagina possessing the secrets of the universe, this is one ugly perverted hell of a world. Told in Mellick's early schizophrenic prose style, Razor Wire Pubic Hair is like postmodern minimalistic art mixed with Japanese "guro" porn.

Ass Goblins of Auschwitz

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Ass Goblins of Auschwitz - Cameron Pierce Summary

It's Monty Python meets Nazi exploitation in a surreal nightmare as can only be imagined by Bizarro author Cameron Pierce. In a land where black snow falls in the shape of swastikas, there exists a nightmarish prison camp known as Auschwitz. It is run by a fascist, flatulent race of aliens called the Ass Goblins, who travel in apple-shaped spaceships to abduct children from the neighboring world of Kidland. Prisoners 999 and 1001 are conjoined twin brothers forced to endure the sadistic tortures of these ass-shaped monsters. To survive, they must eat kid skin and work all day constructing bicycles and sex dolls out of dead children. While the Ass Goblins become drunk on cider made from fermented children, the twins plot their escape. But it won't be easy. They must overcome toilet toads, cockrats, ass dolls, and the surgical experiments that are slowly mutating them into goblin-child hybrids. Forget everything you know about Auschwitz...you're about to be Shit Slaughtered.

War Slut

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War Slut - Carlton Mellick Summary

"Five exhausted soldiers are sitting in the middle of a frozen Arctic wasteland, waiting for something to happen. They don't know why they are there or what they are supposed to be doing. Their superior officers have stopped giving them orders, their food supply is running low, and they are unsure whether or not their enemy actually exists at all. Once they lose their war slut (a transmorphing sex cyborg), the soldiers leave the safety of their camp in order to get it back. Only what they find out in the dark icy landscape is something far beyond what they ever could have imagined"--P. [4] of cover.

I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter

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I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter - Carlton Mellick, III Summary

Jonathan Vandervoo lives a carefree life in a house made of legos, spending his days building lego sculptures and his nights getting drunk with his only friend-an alcoholic sumo wrestler named Shoji. It's a pleasant life with no responsibility, until the day he meets Lici. She's a soul-sucking demon from hell with red skin, glowing eyes, a forked tongue, and pointy red devil horns... and she happens to be nine months pregnant with Jonathan's baby. Now Jonathan must do the right thing and marry the succubus or else her demonic family is going to rip his heart out through his ribcage and force him to endure the worst torture hell has to offer for the rest of eternity. But can Jonathan really love a fire-breathing, frog-eating, cold-blooded demoness? Or would eternal damnation be preferable? Either way, the big day is approaching. And once Jonathan's conservative Christian family learns their son is about to marry a spawn of Satan, it's going to be all-out war between demons and humans, with Jonathan and his hell-born bride caught in the middle. I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter is an adorable, violent, fantastical love story-a romantic comedy for the bizarro fiction reader.

Read My Lips

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Read My Lips - Debby Herbenick,Vanessa Schick Summary

Many, if not most, people remain in the dark about the actual workings of the vagina and vulva. The primary purpose of Read My Lips is to educate women and men about the vulva and vagina in a manner that is smart, informative, and entertaining. Readers, both women and men alike, will come to think differently about women's genitals and become a little more curious and a lot more comfortable with them. They will learn more about the female body in terms of health, sex, pleasure, culture, and art. Though based on sound scientific and medical research, Read My Lips is accessible to the masses, so women and men who are curious about the clitoris, Brazilian waxing, labiaplasty, or whether the G-spot really exists, will find something of interest in these pages. Chapters focus on sex and the vulva/vagina which, in spite of the many interesting cultural and historical aspects of vulva and vagina lore, remains of central interest to many people - as it should, given that women's genitals, and how they work, especially in regard to sex, remain a mystery to so many well-intentioned lovers. In keeping with the overall theme of celebration and education, the authors take a sex-positive, pleasure-focused perspective on women's genitals, pointing out the parts that can help women to enjoy sex and feel more comfortable in their own bodies. Tips on technique will also be shared alongside information on vaginal health.

Village of the Mermaids

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Village of the Mermaids - Carlton Mellick Summary

"Mermaids are protected by the government under the Endangered Species Act, which means you aren't able to kill them even in self-defense. This is especially problematic if you happen to live in the isolated fishing village of Siren Cove, where there exists a healthy population of mermaids in the surrounding waters that view you as the main source of protein in their diet. The only thing keeping these ravenous sea women at bay is the equally-dangerous supply of human livestock known as Food People. Normally, these "feeder humans" are enough to keep the mermaid population happy and well-fed. But in Siren Cove, the mermaids are avoiding the human livestock and have returned to hunting the frightened local fishermen. It is up to Doctor Black, an eccentric representative of the Food People Corporation, to investigate the matter and hopefully find a way to correct the mermaids' new eating patterns before the remaining villagers end up as fish food. But the more he digs, the more he discovers there are far stranger and more dangerous things than mermaids hidden in this ancient village by the sea."--Page 4 of cover.

Zombies and Shit

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Zombies and Shit - Carlton Mellick, III Summary

"Twenty people wake to find themselves in a boraded-up building in the middle of the zombie wasteland. They soon realize they have been chosen as contestants on a popular reality show called Zombie Survival. Each contestant is given a backpack of supplies and a unique weapon. Their goal: be the first to make it through the zombie-plagued city to the pick-up zone alive. But because there's only one seat available on the helicopter, the contestants not only have to fight off the hordes of the living dead, they must also fight each other."--Page 4 of cover.

Shatnerquake

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Shatnerquake - Jeff Burk Summary

After a reality bomb goes off at the first ever ShatnerCon, all of the characters ever played by William Shatner are suddenly sucked into our world. Their mission: hunt down and destroy the real William Shatner. Featuring: Captain Kirk, TJ Hooker, Denny Crane, Priceline Shatner, Cartoon Kirk, Rescue 9-1-1 Shatner, singer Shatner, and many more. No costumed con-goer will be spared in their wave of destruction, no red shirt will make it out alive, and not even the Klingons will be able to stand up to a deranged Captain Kirk with a light saber. But these Shatner- clones are about to learn a hard lesson . . . that the real William Shatner doesn't take crap from anybody. Not even himself.

Punk Land

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Punk Land - Carlton Mellick III Summary

Returning to his avant-punk style introduced in the international cult hit, SATAN BURGER, Carlton Mellick III takes us on a journey into an absurd afterlife called PUNK LAND: the punk version of Heaven. The story follows Goblin, a deformed young hermit who is perfectly happy haunting an abandoned gatehouse far outside of civilization with his pet dildo, Frog Strips, until two strangers named Nan and Mortician arrive at his doorstep with a crazy story that turns his quiet post-life existence upside-down. Goblin soon finds himself mixed up in a war between corporate punks and traditional punks that he really couldn't care less about. But without the help of Goblin, Mortician's sperm, and a blue-mohawked female assassin named Shark Girl, the utopian anarchy in Punk Land will surely be lost. Featuring cameos by famous punk icons and cartoonish illustrations in the tradition of Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions. This Bizarro novel is Carlton Mellick III's most fun and hilarious book to date.

Adolf in Wonderland

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Adolf in Wonderland - Carlton Mellick Summary

In an alternate version of the future where Hitler had conquered the entire world during WW2 and developed society into his vision of utopia, an SS officer is on a mission to find and exterminate the last imperfect human on Earth. Following his trail leads the young Nazi to a small town hidden in the middle of the desert; a place that has been cut off from society for so long that it has developed its own strange and disturbing culture. Thus begins Mellick's dreamlike adventure that takes a young descendent of Adolf Hitler's design and sends him down the rabbit hole into a world of imperfection and disorder, where even the laws of reality itself don't seem to apply. A tribute to both Franz Kafka and Lewis Carroll, "Adolf in Wonderland" is a perfect read for fans of the bizarro genre.

Sea of the Patchwork Cats

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Sea of the Patchwork Cats - Carlton Mellick, III Summary

Everyone in the world committed suicide at the same time . . . Thus begins the surreal tale of an old man living alone in an empty world after everyone else on Earth killed themselves for no particular reason at all. In search for other survivors, he drifts in a floating house out to sea until he comes to a mysterious structure in the middle of the ocean. It is a building shaped like two giant nude women conjoined at the back. And issuing from a lighted window, echoing on the ghostly wind, is the sound of hundreds of meowing patchwork cats. Sea of the Patchwork Cats is a sad dreamlike tale set in the quiet ashes of the human race. A must-read for Mellick enthusiasts who also adore The Twilight Zone.

Shatnerquest

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Shatnerquest - Jeff Burk Summary

After the apocalypse, three Star Trek fans and their morbidly obese cat embark on a quest to save their beloved idol, the one and only William Shatner, from the hostile world America has become. But their journey will not be easy, for the wasteland is filled with cannibal cults, Klingon biker gangs, Zombie Borg, and all manner of mutant creatures. And once they arrive at their destination, they discover that William Shatner has been transformed into Shatzilla - a giant 100-story radioactive monster hell-bent on destroying all of Los Angeles. Now instead of saving Shatner from this new apocalyptic world, these three fans must save the world from this new apocalyptic Shatner. If only there was another giant monster who could take him down... From the author who brought you the cult hit "Shatnerquake," comes another Shat-tastic sci-fi comedy that proves once and for all that there actually is something even bigger than William Shatner's ego. And it is... William Shatner.

Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands

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Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands - Carlton Mellick, III Summary

The Bitches are back . . . They call themselves the Warriors, their enemies call them the Bitches. They are a gang of man-eating, motorcycle-riding, war-hungry werewolf women, and they are the rulers of the wasteland. Following his 2009 Wonderland Book Award-winning novel, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland, Carlton Mellick III returns with Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands, a collection of three interconnected novellas that take place before, during, and after the events of the first book. Including: BARBARIAN BEAST BABES OF THE BADLANDS Talon and a party of warrior biker women must hunt down a pack of giant wolves that have gone rabid. HORRENDOUS HORROR OF THE HATEFUL HAMBURGLAR A band of mutant soldiers led by the deadly samurai, Hamburglar, investigates an outpost deep in the wasteland that has become plagued by a horde of deranged undead killing machines. FEROCIOUS FEMALE FURRIES IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE After Talon is infected with a strange mind-killing parasite, Slayer must lead a party of wolf women into the Forbidden Zone in order to find a cure.

The Vagina Monologues

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The Vagina Monologues - Eve Ensler Summary

Drawing on conversations with hundreds of women about their genitalia, the author presents a collection of performance pieces from her one-woman show of the same name.

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